5 Things To Consider While Waiting for Marriage (A Guest Post)
He wasn’t really my type. Our conversation didn’t flow easily. We didn’t have a whole lot in common. And he was very noticeably shorter than me. My future husband he was not, but he was in fact an answer to prayer.
Just a week prior to our date, I had cried out to God in true desperation, and although it was marriage I had truly longed for, it was an actual date I had in mind at the moment. Validation. Some kind of sign that I wasn’t too weird or unattractive. I also wanted an evening out to look forward to and get dressed up for. It had been way too long. If you’re a single woman, then perhaps you know what I mean!
I begged the Lord for just one date. For encouragement, I said. A token of His favor. If it moved toward marriage, even better!
God decided to answer my prayer for a date almost immediately and although he wasn’t my type at all, I accepted the offer with an open mind. After all, he could be my Prince Charming in disguise. I’ve heard princes like to do that sometimes.
There was no prince for me that evening. We just didn’t “click.” But I learned one important thing from the experience. God was, in fact, listening to my prayer and cared for me in my time of loneliness.
God’s plan was for me to wait a good deal longer and get married at age 35 to a widower ten years my senior who already had two grandchildren. Talk about fast-forwarding! I never would have imagined this turn of events because it was all God’s plan and differed quite a bit from my own.
Although no special kind of enlightenment comes from being married, if I could, I would do a bit of time travel and remind my single self of these few things that would have made my wait for marriage a little easier to bear. Here’s what I would say.
Singleness really is a gift. It may be hard to hear sometimes – especially from married people – but singleness, just like marriage, is a gift from God.I’m not talking about singleness being some kind of special ability reserved for the highly spiritual who are easily content without marriage, but about singleness as a situation in life that the Bible refers to as an actual gift. Paul calls singleness a “gift” in 1 Corinthians 7:7 and Jesus describes it as good “for those to whom it has been given” in Matthew 19:11. God lovingly chose the single state for you just as He lovingly chose the married state for someone else. Neither is lesser than the other, although our Christian culture may, unintentionally of course, make it seem that way sometimes.
The grass really isn’t greener on the other side. Just like neither is lesser than the other, neither is better than the other. I’ll be the first to say that the grass on the other side certainly looks green. And the longer you look at it, and the more you want it, the greener it becomes. But in reality, it is no greener than yours. And, unfortunately, there are even huge numbers of divorce cases to prove this point. Trials come to married people and single people alike, but it’s God’s grace that really makes the grass green wherever you are. There are some pretty significant advantages in marriage, but God has blessed you with just as many in your singleness.
Leverage – and enjoy– your freedom. One of the biggest advantages that singles often receive is more freedom to do many things including caring for the things of the Lord and soaking God’s Word in. Notice I didn’t say you have more time, but that you likely have more freedom. This is an important distinction because single men and women often have extra responsibilities because they’re paying all the bills and taking care of their households alone. That can be tough, tiring and very time-consuming!
But in many cases, you have more freedom in your “down time” because you may not have someone else’s needs, wishes or plans to always consider. Paul describes the married woman in 1 Corinthians 7:34, as constantly thinking of ways to please her husband. She is on call 24/7. I encourage you to take advantage of the unique kind of freedom God has given you at this time and make those moments count toward eternity. And enjoy it!
God Is the Ultimate Provider. As a single person, it can be very easy to become self-sufficient in many things like paying your own bills, fixing things around your house, and at times the burden can even be overwhelming. It’s important to remember and remind yourself often that God is, in fact, your Ultimate Provider.
You are not alone. And you aren’t capable of doing it all by yourself. God knows that. Depend on Him wholly and you won’t regret it. You may be tempted to look look at the stay-at-home wife or mom across the church auditorium and think how nice it would be to have a husband to help you and provide for you to relieve some of your burden, but with God as your Helper, you are truly lacking nothing. He invites you to cast all your burden upon Him and He will provide.
Fight bitterness. Those days may come when you’re so tired of working so hard and doing life alone, that you become more susceptible to bitterness and jealousy. Fight this with all your heart, mind and soul because it can destroy you and harden your heart.
Take time to speak truth to yourself, find friends who encourage you to rejoice in the Lord, and cling to your God as your Ultimate Provider and your coming Bridegroom. Believing in God’s goodness to you will give keep your heart soft and tender for His Word to grow there, to show and receive love in all of your friendships, and should it be God’s plan for your life, to receive and give love through marriage.
Although my date was less than perfect, I don’t regret it. It turned out to be one of the many experiences in my single life that God used to show me He was there, He was watching and He cared. He had a plan for me then and He has a plan for me now. In fact, I’m living it, just as you’re living yours now. Rejoice in every minute, because God’s plan truly is perfect.
Kristen Iaffaldano is a virtual assistant based in Atlanta, GA. She writes at HymnsIllustrated.com and KristenIaffaldano.com.
